Chapter 1.4: Slip Away

(A/N: This might be triggering for some people, so just a warning ahead. Remember, it's not consent if someone's intoxicated, and it's not consent if someone has to lie to get it. I love you. It gets better.

Also, read over at Hide and Seek so everything makes more sense.)

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When what we love we burn

It's from the ashes that we yearn

To be the phoenix that rises up from the flames

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Liza's fingers hovered over the keys of hey laptop, the words dancing around in her head, evading her grasp. The words on the page seemed to merge together, making less and less sense as she reread.

Shouting from the other room filtered into her bedroom, her parents arguing, again, about stupid shit, again. The fighting would have torn her apart by now, but she built a wall, one she was never going to let break.

She was going to protect herself from pain by making sure she never felt a thing.

Liza started typing again, a couple words finding their way onto the page before a crash was heard from the room below. Liza jolted out of her seat, closing her laptop and putting it in her bag. She groaned in frustration, pulling her bag over her shoulders and opening the window, climbing down and dropping onto the grass.

Liza pulled out her cell phone, dialing the long-familiar number and pressing it to her ear, walking to her car and opening to door. The line clicked and the other person mumbled "what's up?"

"Hey, Nico." Liza started the ignition, the engine purring to life as she pulled out of the driveway, the car driving down the road on it's way to her destination. "If you're busy, cancel your plans. I'm coming over."
Nico knew better than to argue, so he just grumbled in agreement, hanging up and leaving Liza silent in her drive. She zoned out in her drive, the road so familiar she could drive it without thinking.

Her parents were constantly fighting, her father constantly cheating, but they wouldn't call it quits. They wouldn't just hang up the fucking towel and get divorced.

She blocked herself off, the only thing that could make her feel anymore was sex. She didn't care who it was with, where, why, as long as she was getting her fix, she didn't mind.

Her car pulled into the driveway that led to Nico's home, parking quickly and turning off the engine. She grabbed her bag and stepped off the car, looking for his parent's cars and heading inside when she didn't see them, climbing the flight of stairs that led to his room.

She pushed the door open, putting her bag on the ground and walking over to his bed, where Nico was laying, playing on his phone. She reached over, taking his phone out of his hands and moving on top of him, heading in for a kiss before Nico stopped her, pushing her off of him.

"Wait, Liza, that's not what I wanted to do."

Liza sighed from above, falling off of him and onto the bed. They hadn't done anything for weeks, because Liza was too wrapped up in the stress of her family and finals, and Nico had been too wrapped up in...
"Eden?" Liza asked, annoyed at the fact that she hadn't noticed it before. She knew they were banging, but she never noticed how serious he was about her.

"Yeah. We're... I dunno. We're complicated." Nico turned to face her, sighing. He really liked Eden, a lot more than he should, but she never let anyone in. She pushed everyone away.

"Well, this trip was... pointless. I'll call Max, I guess. At least he doesn't have stupid emotions." Liza pushed herself off the bed, leaning against the wall as Nico sat up.

"Liza. You're welcome to stay and talk, if you want."

Liza scoffed at his suggestion, grabbing her bag from off the ground and stepping out of the room.

"Too bad I don't."

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Nico slammed the door to Eden's house, the anger, the hurt he felt, burning inside of him, eating him alive. He fell too hard for the girl who can't fall at all.

He should have known better. Eden was a disaster, destroying everything she touched. There was no way he could fix that.

But he damn sure tried. He tried to see past the walls, the cracks, the thorns. He almost thought he did, until she slept with Max, of all people.

Nico dug through his pockets, pulling out his phone and dialing the person best for this situation.

"Hey, Jonas. You got any more x? I need some. Badly."

The voice on the other side spoke through, voices in the background chattering through. It took Nico a moment to place why there were voices, until he realized that Jonas was at a party. Of course, because where else would a drug dealer be.

"Yeah, I'm, uh, I'm actually-fuck, hold on..." Nico heard a bunch of clatter on the other end, and then silence. "Yeah, I've got some. I'm at a party, want me to hold on to a couple?"

Nico mumbled out a confirmation and you could practically hear Jonas's grin on the other side. "Awesome, so, how many of you?"

Nico shook his head, walking to his car and opening the door. "No Thomas, sorry. Just me."

Jonas chuckled on the other end as Nico started the engine. "Well, tell him to actually try talking to me sometimes. Watching him stare at me from across the lunch table is amusing and all, but it's not enough." Nico let out a laugh, putting the park in reverse when Jonas finally chimed in. "Oh, right, by the way, I'm at a party in, uh, who's house... hold on, Liza knows, she brought me."

Nico felt a pang in his stomach, the anticipation of the answer overwhelming him for just a moment. Nico could hear Liza's voice in the background, a quiet mumble.

"Max something or another, she says you should know which one. I'll be here, just... Text me. I'll bring it to you."


Nico smirked as an idea formulated in his head. "Perfect." He slid the end call button, setting his phone down and driving towards the place he's only been a couple times.

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-You love me.-

Eden's text vibrated through his phone, the conversation they were having showing on his screen like a bad taste in his mouth. He'd come here to get high and confront Max, and that's what he did. Get high, anyway. He couldn't find the asshole anywhere.

He typed out a couple more texts, pressing send without regret.

-Does it matter what I say? We both know.-

Liza laughed with Jonas at some stupid joke they were probably going to forget in five minutes. Nico leaned forward, shoving his phone in his pocket when a response never came.

"Guys, where's Max? I need to speak to him."
Liza pointed to a staircase, laughing more at the joke from earlier. "In his bedroom, probably. Only room up there."

Nico thanked her, picking himself up off the couch and hurrying up the stairs, looking for the room that he was in before being stopped by a blonde that he was sure to recognize, in a second.

"Hey, Nico." She smirked at him, a knowing, calculating look on her face. "You lost?"

Nico shook his head, trying to walk past her but being stopped by her hand on his chest. "I'm looking for Max. You seen him... Sarah?" The name clicked, finally, and he finally knew where he recognized her from. She was Eden's best friend.
"No, I haven't. I think he bailed... Probably to see Eden, no doubt." Sarah said it so casually, but the knives in his chest just dug even deeper with the words. "She's never going to love you, you know. She's incapable of it. Nothing's going to change that... Not even giving Max a long deserved beating."

Nico's heart felt like it was feeling way too much, yet not at all. The words Sarah had told him ripping out every piece of him, only to put it back in a different order. The drugs, the alcohol, everything taking over him, overwhelming him like a hurricane. Sarah hooked a finger under the front of his jeans, pulling him lightly, not enough to move him, but enough to indicate where she was pulling him to.

The bedroom. And suddenly, his brain turned off. He needed a distraction, and if Eden wasn't going to respond to his texts, if she was going to sleep with Max, if she was going to use him like she has been, then surely, whatever he would do wouldn't matter.

Because it's not like they were together.

Because it's not like they were in love.

Because it's not like he fucking mattered to her at all.

Nico followed Sarah's direction, letting the door fall shut behind them.
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Nico fastened his belt and sighed, reaching for his shirt and pulling it on. For the first time, ever, he felt disgusted with himself. Full of regret. He glanced over at Sarah for a second, before turning away.

"Eden's gonna be so pissed." Nico choked out, his throat hoarse from the different emotions that was swirling inside him. "She better not fucking find out. This was... a mistake. Such a mistake."

Nico pushed the bedroom door open, Sarah following him out and down the stairs, trying to say something that was lost in the crowd, something he didn't really care about hearing. He got to the last couple of steps before noticing the girl already standing there.

The girl he was trying to avoid hurting.

The girl who he just screwed everything up with.
Eden's face said more than words ever could, did more damage to him than he ever thought a look could do. His heart shattered, the numbness of the drugs and sex breaking the moment he laid eyes on her.

"There's only one thing up those stairs. One room. Are you serious? Nico?"

The words stabbed him like shattered glass, raining over him and pressing into every existing cut and making new ones. The girl behind him tried to speak up, tried to say something, but Nico didn't hear it. He didn't register the words, her being interrupted, her leaving. He couldn't.

"Eden..."

The words escaped his lips before he even had time to think about it, reaching forward before he could stop himself. He had to try to fix this. Had to try to do something.

He could see Liza and Jonas leaning against the wall, watching sympathetically, and he almost wanted to laugh. Of course they were still here. Of course they had to see this.

Eden backed up to avoid his grasp, the movement so simple, yet caused so much damage.

"No. You don't get to touch me. Not anymore."
Nico watched as she left the house, the rest of the room watching as if it was the new hit television show. Nico moved through the crowds and out of the house, Liza and Jonas following him, trying to make something better, at least. Liza led him to her car when they caught up with him, Nico sliding into the front seat, not a word being shared between them.

The silence in the car was deafening.

Chapter 1.3: Any Other Heart

You came with lipstick and some bruises and another's arms

And left my world a little darker, and left my heart a little harder

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The television played, muted, in the background, the light giving their features a warm glow as Thomas scrawled across the notebook he had on his lap, looking up at the other three and rolling his eyes as he saw they were too invested in Kitchen Nightmares to join Thomas in writing their English essays.

“Guys… We need this to graduate. You realize that, right?”

Nico waved a hand dismissively as Thomas reached for the remote, pressing the power button and watching as the screen turned black. Nico and Liza turned around to glare at him, Venus laughing from where she was sitting next to him. Thomas slipped the remote behind him, kicking Nico into a sitting position and handing the notebook to Venus.

“How’s it look so far?”

Venus skimmed the neat writing, nodding softly and handing it back to Thomas. “Brilliant, as always.” Venus smiled at him, scrawling on the draft of the essay she had been slowly working on since they’d arrived in Thomas’s room.

They were graduating in a little over four months, and so far, only Thomas had been accepted into the college all four of them had applied to. They all had plans, but Thomas had always been the one to realize his plans. He was Valedictorian, the smartest in his class, the one who was bound to go places.

Except he had no idea where he wanted to go in life. He had plans, but he wasn’t sure if they were the plans he wanted, or his parents wanted for him. He was lost, and confused, and scared. The weight of the future was sitting on his shoulders, and it was crushing him.

“I think we need a break.” Liza slid off the bed, grabbing a hoodie from Thomas’s closet and throwing it over her tank top and pulling the keys to her car out of her jeans pocket, dangling them in front of the group. "C’mon, midnight snack run. Let’s go.”

Thomas sighed with discontent, dropping his notebook down on the bed and kicking his legs over, pushing himself off the bed. His feet hit the ground and he reached over to pull his shoes on as the others scrambled to get their belongings.

Liza led the way, as usual, Nico and Venus following behind her as they walked quietly through the back hallway, sneaking out the back door and into the chilly night air. Thomas clutched his jacket closer to his skin, a shiver escaping through his teeth.

Venus slowed her pace to fall in stride with him, hooking her arm with his and smiling at him, her head dropping back as she focused on the stars, or lack thereof.

"You know, when I was 10, I spent a summer in Wisconsin once with my... Uncle? Someone close to my mother. They lived on this farm in the middle of nowhere, and every night, you could see every single star in the sky. I liked to pretend they were guardian angels, watching over us. Coming back to the city after that, it was different. I would sneak out in the middle of the night to try to catch a glimpse of them, but I never could."

Thomas looked up in the sky, a blank canvas staring back down at him. He tried to imagine stars filling the sky, and a sense of hopelessness fell over him. "So, what?" He whispered out, looking back over at his friend. "Are the angels gone? The sky's blank."

Venus just laughed.

"No. It just means the angels are hiding, so they can take care of you better."

Thomas rolled his eyes at the optimist, a grin spreading across his face. "Yeah, sure."

Venus looked back over at him, peaceful silence falling over them, before being broken by Nico shouting for them.

"Tommy, Vee, let's gooo. We don't have long."

The two climbed into the back of Liza's car, Thomas buckling his seat belt despite everyone else leaving theirs alone. Liza started the car, the engine rushing to life. She backed out quickly, running over the curb and pushing the car into drive, speeding down the road.

"Where are we even going?" Thomas leaned forward, unbuckling his seat belt. "I have to finish that essay, still, you know."

Liza and Nico chuckled to themselves, Liza letting out a small "you'll see" and refusing to answer anything else. Thomas fell back into his seat, crossing his arms, disgruntled.

"It'll be alright, Tommy. You still have three weeks to complete that essay. You'll be fine."

Nico's voice found it's way back to them, Thomas's eyes rolling at his statement. "Plus, the homework I get from all my AP classes, and the Valedictorian speech I have to write, and all the reservations I have to make for prom, which is in three weeks, if you didn't realize. I have a lot to do and I have very little time."

Nico's annoying grin stayed throughout his outburst, and Thomas groaned at the lack of response. The car slowed as they arrived at their destination, Thomas looking out the window and taking in the view. There were no stores around, and everything was run down and dark. It took Thomas a moment to realize why they were there.

"Oh... my God, seriously? A drug run?" Thomas stepped out of the car and sighed in frustration, leaning back on the cold surface of the metal as the rest of the teens climbed out of the vehicle. Liza pressed a couple buttons on her phone, sending a text out. A voice echoed from a building, the form hidden by the shadows.

"Took you guys long enough." The boy stepped away from the darkness, the street lamps above illuminating his features. He smirked at Venus and Thomas, since they seemed to be the only two who didn't know him. His eyes kept long on Thomas's, a half-smile growing on his face. "Hey, I'm Jonas. Nice to meet you."

Thomas knew he looked familiar, but he couldn't place it. Liza noticed the confusion on his face, speaking up. "He goes to our school, he received a full scholarship earlier in the year." The pieces clicked in the strawberry blonde's head, and he nodded.

"Oh, right. Hey, I'm Thomas." He broke eye contact then, moving on to Venus. She introduced herself and the boy pulled out a small baggie of pills. Five were in the small piece of plastic, and Thomas averted his eyes so that he was looking away from the bag, and the boy holding them.

"They're free, on one condition. I come with you."

Liza laughed at the response, looking at the count of pills. "Five, one for each of us. You know what, you've got a deal. Let's go to my house, my parents should be out for the night. We have to place to ourselves."

Jonas and Nico cracked a grin, and the group filed into the car as quickly as they got out. The drive took only a couple of minutes, sitting in an uncomfortable silence all the way.

The group stumbled through the house, the Liza checking all the rooms and making sure it was empty. When they made sure, Jonas passed the pills around, and they each took them when it got to them.

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The world swam around them, the laughter echoing off the walls and around the room. The mood was better than before, the stress practically gone. Thomas leaned on the wall, a smile on his face as the other four stumbled through the halls, chasing after each other with a laugh.

Thomas pushed himself off the surface, stepping through the hall and into a room. Jonas followed him, quietly, as the door fell shut behind them. Jonas cleared his throat to get Thomas's attention, watching as he spun around with a grin.

"Oh, hey, Jonas. I was just about to use the bathroom." Thomas pointed to the door that led to the bathroom, running his hands through his hair and laughing. He dropped his arms, avoiding looking at Jonas as much as he could. "What did you need?"

Jonas smirked, taking a couple steps forward to Thomas. "Nothing. Just wanted to chat." Jonas stopped taking steps, shoving his hands into his pockets. The two chewed on their gum, the laughter from the other three ricocheting in the room. Jonas let his hoodie slide off of him, throwing it onto the chair nearest him. "Did you know, ecstasy is called the love drug, because it elevates sex drive and makes you crave human intimacy?"

Thomas nodded at the question, unsure in his haze if it was meant to be rhetoric. Of course he knew what x did, this wasn't his first time. He loved the drug, but at the same time, he hated it. He hated how it made him feel, who it made him want.

He knew, of course, that it wasn't the drug that made him gay. He was gay sober, too, as much as he tried to deny it. He tried not to be the person he was, because he knew it was the person he shouldn't be.

"You don't have to be..." Jonas grasped at the words, pity filling his voice. He obviously noticed the expression on Thomas's face, the expression of shame and guilt. "Ashamed. You don't have to be ashamed, Thomas. There's nothing wrong with it. With you."

"How'd you know?" Thomas whispered it, unsure if Jonas had even heard him until he placed a hand on his arm. That grin of his showed up again, the devil-may-care look in his eyes that he rarely seemed to lose.

"I knew because I've been where you are. Ashamed, afraid. You don't have to be." Thomas looked back up at him, their eyes making contact for the first time since outside, earlier in the night.

They stayed looking at each other for a couple seconds, locked in that one moment, until they broke it, their lips meeting together with a force and passion Thomas didn't know he was capable of. His hands reached for Jonas's hips, picking him up and sliding his hands under his legs, leaning Jonas against the wall as Jonas reached for the hem of his shirt, pulling it off of himself and reaching for Thomas's, his legs wrapping around his waist. The strawberry blonde's shirt came off him just as quickly as the other's did, his legs carrying them to the bed placed against the wall.

Jonas fell flat against the bed, pulling Thomas with him as he reached for the button on his jeans, unhooking it as quickly as he could and pushing them off of himself with his shoes. Jonas reached for the button on Thomas's jeans, starting to unbutton it until the door swung open, Liza, Nico, and Venus standing on the other side.

"Hey, guys, we're gonna order some---holy shit."

Nico's words stopped just as quickly as they began, Venus ducking out of the doorway and Liza following her. Nico's face displayed the only emotion that he was capable of in that moment; shock.

Jonas reached for his jeans, pulling them on and stepping off the bed, pushing Nico out the door with the repeated phrase of "get out, get the fuck out." Jonas shut the door, leaning on the panel and locking the doorknob.

Thomas was stuck in the same position he was when they walked in, shock completely paralyzing him. Jonas tried to say something, but couldn't get a word out.

Thomas hadn't told them. This wasn't the way he intended to come out to his best friends. This... sucked.

Jonas reached for the clothes strewn across the floor, handing Thomas his shirt and pulling his on. "I should have locked the door. I'm sorry."

Thomas grabbed his clothes, buckling his jeans and sliding on his jacket over his shirt. "Yeah, you should have." Thomas walked past Jonas, opening the door and leaving him alone.

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Thomas drummed his fingers against the steering wheel of his truck, hot air blowing out of the vents as he sat in Nico's driveway, Nico, Liza, and Venus inside the house. He had missed two days of school, avoided them, this moment, as much as he could.

The radio played soft pop music throughout the cab of the truck. Thomas laid his head back on the seat and tried to muster up the courage to go inside when his phone rang. He slid the unlock button, reading the text message from Venus.

-You ever gonna come inside?-

Thomas typed out a quick text, hesitating over the send button for a couple seconds before pressing down.

-Maybe.-

Thomas switched off the engine, taking a couple deep breaths before opening the door and stepping out. He walked up to the door, knocking lightly. Nico's father opened the door and smiled, letting Thomas in. He walked the familiar path to Nico's room, taking another deep breath before knocking on the wood. The door opened almost immediately after, Nico holding the door open for him. Venus smiled at him from the bed, letting Thomas sit down next to her. Liza leaned against the wall, a soft expression on her face when he looked up.

"We have to talk." Thomas whispered out. his voice soft and filled with fear. His gaze dropped to the floor, and he knew that this was it. This was the moment he's been afraid of for so long, tried to avoid as much as possible. It was judgement day, and he couldn't get out of it.

"Yeah." Liza said, and he could hear the care in her voice. She was always so fiery, he'd never heard her talk with so much empathy. "We love you, Thomas. You know that."

Thomas nodded, because he did. He knew that they would love him, no matter what. Nico continued, a different side of him showing, a more protective side. "So, are you...?"

"Gay. I'm gay." Thomas answered, sinking into himself the moment the words left his mouth. Venus's arms wrapped around him, her head resting against his.

"So, are you, like, into Jonas?" Liza asked, her arms crossing over her chest. Thomas shrugged, because he didn't know. He's known Jonas for, like, 5 minutes. He was attracted to him, but he didn't know if he actually liked him.

"Well, we're going out tonight, because we need to and I know of a party." Nico reverted back to his usual self, beaming at the three of them. "Liza, invite Jonas. Venus is driving. Let's go."